


Guilt

by MaddieandChimney



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, and injury, tw: mentions of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24340339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: It was an accident. That's what he keeps telling himself, as he watches her try and catch the blood from her nose in her hand. It was an accident.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Kudos: 26
Collections: Madney One-Shots





	Guilt

"There's so much blood." His entire body was shaking as he paced up and down the floor of his bedroom. “There’s so much..” He repeated, the tension in his chest becoming unbearable as he tried to take a deep breath. He needed to calm down, he needed to look over his girlfriend but all he could think right then was about how much blood there was. On her face. On the sheets. 

He was going to be sick or burst into tears. Or both. 

“Oh god, Maddie... there’s so much blood.” He finally looked at her, his face pale, his eyes wide and his breathing heavy. There was a weight on his shoulders he had never felt before, a level of guilt he couldn’t imagine ever being able to let go of. She still hadn’t said anything, she had barely moved - her eyes watering as she kept her hand under her nose, leaning forward ever so slightly. He couldn’t help but wonder if there was no way back from this, if this was the moment that would define their relationship. 

His mind was whirring with too many thoughts - wondering when Maddie would break up with him, what Buck was going to do to him when he found out, what Hen would say to him, what Maddie was thinking. She was moving on from the trauma of her own past and he had unwittingly added to it. There was no way back, it was over. 

Chimney let out a sob, but when she finally looked at him, something inside him clicked. He had jumped out of bed the moment he had felt his hand connect with her face, and had spent what had felt like the past few hours, but in reality, was only two minutes, pacing the floor as he tried to catch his breath. It was an accident, but it didn’t feel like one. The crushing feeling in his chest didn’t appear to be easing any but he needed to help.

When he ran towards the bathroom, he considered, only for a moment, locking himself in there to avoid facing her. But instead, he grabbed as much tissue as he could, and practically sprinted his way back into the bedroom. She had moved some, her legs dangling over the edge of their bed, her hand still trying to catch the blood that was slowly easing. She hadn’t spoken to him, was she scared of him? The thought was enough to force him to hesitate, before he dropped to his knees in front of her, gently pushing her hand away so he could press the tissue to her bleeding nose as gently as he possibly could. 

She didn’t flinch but his heart was still broken. He had promised her he would never hurt her, he had told her he would keep her safe and now, he felt as though he had betrayed her. It was an accident. He had been tossing and turning after a rough day at work, they had lost three patients, all in the same day and he had crawled into bed the moment he had gotten home in the hopes he could ease the overwhelming sadness he felt. The next thing he remembered, Maddie was shaking him awake and his hand had gone flying when he sprung up. 

“It was an accident.” Maddie finally said, repeating the words he had been trying to convince himself of inside. “Howie...” He couldn’t look her in the eyes, instead, he focused on the task at hand - stem the bleeding, make sure it wasn’t broken, hate himself some more and lock himself in the bathroom when he was done so he could cry without her seeing. 

“You’re scaring me.” The brunette finally whispered, a hand moving to his cheek as she gently wiped at the tears that he hadn’t been able to stop from falling. “It’s not broken, I know what a broken nose feels like...” When his shoulders tensed even more than they already had been, she knew she had failed in her attempt to try and comfort him. “I shouldn’t have woken you up like that, you were having a nightmare... I-I should have...” 

Chimney quickly stood up, the blood stained tissue falling onto her lap before he stumbled back. She could see the way his entire body shook, the way every breath he took seemed to be a struggle. He looked everywhere in the room apart from at his girlfriend, before she stood up on uneasy legs, and grabbed both his arms. “Don’t blame yourself.” He finally muttered, leaning down ever so slightly to press his forehead against hers when he sobbed. 

“Don’t blame yourself.” She shot back at him, relieved when his arms wrapped tightly around her and he hid his face in her neck, he cried harder than he had ever allowed himself to cry in front of another person before. His grip tightened on the back of her top, and she pulled him flush against her body, ignoring the way her face stung ever so slightly as she rested her chin on his shoulder and rubbed his back. 

“I’m okay... we’re okay.”


End file.
